It is generally agreed that marriage is the union of two individuals, naturally leading to everlasting bliss. The real world, however, is different. Experience continues to reveal that successful relationships aren’t necessarily about closeness or passion, but rather about deliberate, carefully constructed day-to-day actions and decisions by the individuals involved.
Just as a building requires a strong foundation to stand and survive, no marriage can survive without core relational competencies. I can say with confidence that many couples are oblivious to these fundamentals, which is why many marriages suffer and eventually fail. The awareness and practice of these essentials can help couples build a marriage that is resilient, emotionally rich, and deeply satisfying.
God as the Foundation: I always try to avoid something that may sound religious to some folks. Immediately, God or the Bible is mentioned; it’s like, “Here we go again” — another religious discourse. Let me quickly state this clearly: nothing works sustainably without God. In this context, no marriage will thrive without God. Decimate Him from your marriage and pay the price of pain and disappointment eventually. I don’t want to be too detailed about this, but God instituted marriage, and no marriage will succeed without his continuous involvement.
Understanding Each Other’s Inner Worlds: Deep familiarity and acquaintance with one’s partner are among the bedrocks of every successful marriage. Someone referred to this as “love map,” or an internal map of your partner’s world. A good example of this is your partner’s feelings, values, aspirations, likes, and so on. Statistics show that partners who have a good understanding of each other’s emotional state experience greater intimacy and emotional safety, which contribute largely to a sustainable home.
To make this happen, it requires conscious, continuous effort. It demands curiosity, active listening, and persistence. Ask yourself the following questions to find out where you stand now.
What are the topmost things your partner values? Do you know any? Who are the important people in their life, and why? Can you tell when your partner is going through any kind of distress, especially emotional distress?
There are many other indices we can use as a yardstick, but let us focus on these for now.
Building Your Marriage With Divine Wisdom: The Bible says, “Through wisdom is a house built” (Proverbs 24:3). In other words, no one can build a home in foolishness; divine wisdom, not worldly wisdom, is required to build a successful marriage. Since God instituted marriage, his guidance and directives are imperative for navigating the hurdles it entails. Experience has shown time and again that there are diverse issues, troubles, and differences couples would never have been able to factor in at the early stage of their union, let alone during courtship, if they ever did. How would one deal with unforeseen differences in marriage? My answer is through divine wisdom. Nothing fails if God is involved.
In conclusion, let me point out that making efforts to make a marriage work is not limited to the man and vice versa; both parties must be involved to achieve meaningful, lasting results across different issues. Couples who invest in their relationship, day by day, choice by choice, create relationships that are emotionally resilient and growth-oriented.
Femi Sopein is a Gospel Minister in Germany.