Q Welcome! Please introduce yourself to our readers.
A. Thank you. I am Osas Maxwell Omoriyekemwen, a Social worker with over twenty-one years of experience in UK Children’s Services. My career has taken me through various Local Authorities and multiple teams, including the Multi-Agency Safeguarding Hub, Child Protection, Referral and Assessment, and more. I hold a BEng (Hons) in Chemical Engineering from South Bank University and a Postgraduate Diploma in Applied Social Science /Diploma in Social Work from Goldsmiths College, University of London.
Q How do you tell or define a family in crisis?
A. A family is plunged into a crisis when two or more factors that contribute to a crisis interact. These factors include:
- Experiencing a stress-producing situation.
- Having difficulty coping.
- Showing chronic difficulty meeting essential responsibilities.
- Need for apparent sources of support.
Differences among the interacting rudiments make each crisis
unique. This point of view is well posited in the Training Guides for
the Head Start Learning Community: Supporting Families in Crisis, which is the best way to view it.
Family Crises an Impact on Children
Q What are the typical kinds of family crises in Britain from your experience?
A. Well, one can readily say domestic violence. Our view of domestic violence is quite different from our perception back home in Africa. Here in the UK, domestic violence also has to do with any incident that borders on a pattern of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour. And, of course, violence against Children, intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. It could be psychological, physical, sexual, financial, and emotional abuse. Abuse, in general, can take different forms, including gaslighting/emotional abuse, digital/online abuse, honour-based abuse, forced marriage and female genital mutilation (FGM).
It could also be verbal abuse, control of time, space and movement, continual monitoring, stalking, rape, sexual coerciveness and control of pregnancy, denial of resources, hurting, distressing or manipulating others (including children) to upset the victim/survivor, violence, even against pets and property.
Q What are the root causes of these issues you have identified from your observation?
A. Family crisis-producing situations include an unplanned pregnancy, a divorce, the loss of a loved one, unemployment, poor financial situation, Child protective services investigations, incarceration, and addictions.
Q. How many of these issues are attributable to failures in parenting?
A. A lot. There are instances, for example, where perpetrators (One of the Parents) disrupt the relationship between the other parent and their children by using the children as part of their coercive control strategies. Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that seeks to take away the victim’s freedom and rights. They (mostly men) achieve power and control within the household by emotionally manipulating children into forming an alliance with them, which undermines the mother-child relationship and isolates the Mother within the family.
Coercive control reduces a partner’s power to make decisions, which limits the ability to exercise independence. Perpetrators, in this case, can undermine the other partner’s parenting ability, making them feel they are not good enough parents. Women experiencing domestic abuse will often lose confidence in their parenting ability and capacity. The strategies a perpetrator will use to undermine the victim’s parental role will usually leave them feeling emotionally drained and distant as though they have little left to give as a parent.
The Delimma of Pastors
Q What are the impacts of Domestic Violence on Victims with Children in mind? And how do you rate the likelihood of the children transferring these traits to their children when they become parents in future?
A. Domestic violence is a major family failure. On victims, in addition to what I have stated earlier, it can have a significant impact on emotional well-being, as well as sometimes affect other relationships. A victim’s day-to-day life can be affected by trying to manage the abuse, leading to increased anxiety and a focus on adapting their behavior to appease the perpetrator. Some of the effects of domestic violence on the victim include depression, fear, anxiety and panic attacks, loneliness or isolation, a lack of confidence or self-esteem, feelings of guilt or self-blame, experiencing difficulties at work or in other relationships, trouble sleeping, suicidal ideation and attempts. Some victims develop addictions, for instance, they may begin smoking or using drugs or alcohol to help cope with the abuse, and this dependency may progress.
Domestic violence, when experienced or witnessed by children, can have profound and long-lasting effects. It is not just a momentary trauma but an Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) that can shape their future. Other ACEs, such as physical, psychological, and sexual abuse or household dysfunction, can further compound the impact. It underscores the need for a collective responsibility from all of us to address and prevent such experiences for our children. It is harmful to children psychologically and puts them at risk of physical harm, whether they are subjects of domestic violence, witness one of their parents being violent or abusive to the other parent, or live in a home with rampant domestic abuse, even if the child is too young to be conscious of the behavior. Children may suffer direct physical or emotional harm from living with domestic violence. They may also suffer harm indirectly where domestic violence impairs the parenting capacity of either or both of their parents.
The impact that domestic violence can have on children can include feeling anxious or depressed, low self-esteem, and difficulties with forming healthy relationships, hyper-vigilance in reading body language or changes in mood and atmosphere, having difficulty sleeping, nightmares, physical symptoms such as stomach aches or bedwetting, delayed development or deterioration in speech, language, and communication, reduction in school attainment, truancy, risk of exclusion from school, and increased application to activities outside the home, including academia or sports, as a distraction. Children may also struggle with inconsistent regulation of emotions, becoming distressed, upset, or angry, displaying aggression, or internalizing their distress and becoming withdrawn. They may also manage their space within the home to remain unseen or engage in self-harm.
Experiencing domestic violence in childhood or adolescence could increase the likelihood of experiencing or perpetrating domestic violence later in life. However, many victims do not go on to perpetrate violence.
What is the most challenging case you have encountered in your profession?
My job comes with a lot of challenging cases. One I can readily refer to, which is also peculiar, is a case where the parents of three children separated and divorced due to domestic violence. The father stopped paying the house rent and caring for the children. The mother was unable to pay the rent for the house, and as a result, the Housing Services discharged their duty, deeming her intentionally homeless due to the rent arrears. Unable to afford appropriate accommodation, a family friend came to their rescue, offering the mother and her three children a garden shed, where they all lived and slept while she appealed her case. The mother and her children had specific time allocated to them to use the kitchen and bathroom in the main house.
Consequently, the children’s health deteriorated, and their academic performance dropped significantly. The garden shed was a health and safety hazard with a high fire risk. For approximately eight months, the living situation for the mother and her three children was something better imagined than described.
Domestic violence on Victims and the effect on Children
Q What advice do you have for parents on protecting children from their shortcomings and the negative impact of family crises?
My passion for child welfare and extensive experience in the field have equipped me with a deep understanding of the complexities of family crises and their impact on children. At the early stages of a family crisis, parents should improve communication, respect each other, and listen before the situation escalates. When communication has broken down, parents should seek support within their friends and family network, as well as professional help such as mediation and counseling. While children are often resilient, they may still benefit from therapy or counseling, depending on the severity of the crisis.
A crisis is an opportunity to help families discover and strengthen problem-solving skills. During intense crises, when usual coping methods fail, families are often more open to learning new approaches. With a constructive resolution, many families emerge stronger and better prepared for future challenges.
However, without the necessary support and resources, some families struggle to recover. The absence of effective intervention can lead to a downward spiral, impacting not only the parents but also the well-being and future stability of the children.